Top 8 Signs You Are an Ambivert (p.s. most of us are)
I was asked today for the first time ever if I was an ambivert and although I’ve never consciously identified as one, it got me thinking and I realised that yes, I am.
So what is an ambivert?
By definition it’s a person who has a balance of extrovert and introvert features in their personality. This trait was first identified by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung in the early 1920’s, however psychologists didn’t really start using the term until the late-1940’s.
We live in an age where identity association is everything. People want to know what you represent and self-categorisation helps us navigate through the world of choice we have at our fingertips. Whilst there are many ways to measure and identify a personality, the ‘big five theory’ (most recently McCrae & Costa 1987) reveals there are five core traits that underlie personality, one of which is the level of sociability and enthusiasm.
Most people know the extremes of this continuum – an introvert is someone who is generally shy, hypersensitive and will draw energy from introspection. They are usually happy to spend time alone or with a small circle of people.
Extroverts are, well…the opposite.
They are outgoing, self-assured ‘people-people’ who draw their energy from the external world. But research suggests that the vast majority of us are ambiverts, the colloquial ‘goldilocks of the EQ scale’, nestled comfortably (and somewhat ideally) within this spectrum.
So are you or aren’t you?
Knowing where you sit on this personality scale can help you develop a better sense of self so you can play to your strengths.
Here are the top 8 signs that you’re an ambivert and some of the benefits of being one.
1. You’re equally a good listener and talker - extroverts prefer to talk more, introverts observe and listen. When a topic of interest comes up you can talk with passion and in great detail about it but once you’re done, you’re happy to listen with patience.
2. You get bored with too much small talk - you probably find it both a necessity and a bore. You enjoy small talk in small doses and much prefer to connect on a more deeper level.
3. You like being social as much as your alone time – you enjoy spending time with people but find that too much can be exhausting. You crave alone time and don’t suffer FOMO.
4. You’re outgoing; and reserved - you’re adaptable to your environment so you will easily swing from one way to the other depending on the crowd and the context.
5. Your conversation is considered - You won’t find many ambiverts who regularly ‘put their foot in it’ as your words are usually well thought out.
6. You can be indecisive - a part of you wants to go to that party and the other part of you wants to stay home and watch Netflix.
7. Your language patterns change – at times you will use straightforward, factual language and at other times you will be abstract and interpretive
8. Your friends will probably disagree about whether you’re an introvert or extrovert - some will say you’re gentle and quiet and others will see you as highly social and confident.
The ambivert advantage
The benefits of being an ambivert are many. Ambiverts are described as being flexible, stable and intuitive. They’re generally more influential and don’t feel exhausted by tense or emotional situations.
Daniel Pink, best-selling author of human behaviour compares ambiverts to being bilingual: “…they have a wider range of skills and can connect with a wider range of people in the same way someone who speaks English and Spanish can.”
Ambiverts make great employees and entrepreneurs because they not only can work well solo and in groups, but they are both good leaders and good followers.
One 2013 University study conducted by Adam Grant found that ambiverts excelled at sales over their spectrum counterparts due to the unique combination of displaying a measured degree of assertiveness and enthusiasm whilst listening carefully to their customers.
If you still need convincing, Pink has developed an ambivert self-assessment for you to take.
The key to being an ambivert is knowing yourself, says author and Talentsmart co-founder Travis Bradbury. Ambiverts with low self-awareness can struggle with knowing which side of the spectrum they should lean into, which can be frustrating, ineffective and demoralising.
I asked a few close friends who, whilst initially didn’t use the word ambivert to describe me, did in fact describe the characteristics of exactly that.
Just to be sure, I decided to do Pink’s self assessment. And the results? 100% ambivert. A gentle extrovert, if you will.
mina iacono author, small business owner and ambivert